“Green goblins are flying past us.” My wife’s words caught my attention one day as we were riding in the car. She was talking about issues in her family, and I became absorbed in my own thoughts. Clearly, I was not listening to her. Clearly, she knew that and made a bizarre statement that immediately caught my attention. Listening takes intentional movements into attention. Nemeck and Coombs offer help for Spiritual Directors in their listening, really listening, to their directees. This essay will focus on the six principles they offer directors for better listening to both their directees and God.
The first principle to embrace right away is that the director is secondary in the direction session. God is preeminent and should be the one directing the directee. The director is the instrument through which God works (83). Through the work of the Holy Spirit, God is the “primary cause” of spiritual direction (84). This involves the director and the directee listening to the Holy Spirit during the session. The director’s role is to help maximize the directee’s receptivity (85). When I meet with my directee, I have to be attuned to what the Holy Spirit is saying to me for my directee’s benefit. I am just the middleman between God and my directee.
In the same way, I should be “abandoned to God in faith,” which is the second principle (86). If my relationship with God is sound and growing, then I will better hear him when he speaks to me for the benefit of my directee. But it takes the development of my own spiritual life and supplication to the presence of God in my midst. My spiritual work will allow me to detach from the desire to give my personal opinions to the directee and instead provide Holy Spirit input (86).
The next principle in listening to both God and the directee is an attitude reflecting that the directee already has spiritual direction from the Holy Spirit (86). Each of us experiences God differently within our own contexts and life experiences. Therefore, God, through the Holy Spirit, has already been communicating with my directee. Therefore, active listening will begin by accepting my directee where they are in their faith journey, not where I want them to be (88). This realization enables me to be quiet and listen.
The next principle offered by the authors is quiet listening and speaking only when prompted by the Holy Spirit (89). By remaining quiet and listening attentively, I assume my role in the engagement. When I speak, I should speak what the Holy Spirit has directed me to say, not assume God’s role by saying what I want to say (90). I am not the authority in the session, just the conduit. When I do not hear anything from the Holy Spirit, that is still a form of communication. It may be a direction to be present and wait patiently for either God to speak to me or my directee (91).
Essentially, I am relying on the next principle: engaging in divine wisdom. Divine wisdom is listening to God and what he has to say to both me and the directee (93). Wisdom literature in the scriptures, such as Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Job, and James, is full of God speaking to those who desire the blessed life. For instance, the whole book of Job is the protagonist and his four colleagues bloviating about what God thinks about Job’s suffering. However, it is only when they stop talking and actually listen to God that his wisdom is understood. Divine wisdom comes in the gaps, in the silent spaces where we allow the Holy Spirit to speak.
Finally, the last principle offered is the realization that I am not to make decisions for my directees (94). If the Holy Spirit prompts me, I can offer suggestions for practices and pointers that may aid the directee. But whether they follow through on those prompts is up to them. They are their own agents in decision-making, and God respects that, and so must I. As soon as I start telling them what to do or what not to do in a way that reflects my own desires, I take God’s place in giving direction and their place as the decision-makers.
Listening is the core of Spiritual Direction. The director listens to the directee and the Holy Spirit. The directee is working on how to listen to the Holy Spirit for themselves and make their decisions based upon what God, and not necessarily the director, is telling them. Sometimes God’s voice in the direction is loud and clear. But most often, his voice is soft, punctuated by periods of silence, and discerning. Active listening cuts through the mental chatter and helps me attune to the voice of the true Director.
All page citations from: Nemeck, Francis Kelly, and Coombs, Marie Theresa. The Way of Spiritual Direction. Collegeville, MN: A Michael Glazier book published by The Liturgical Press.
