It almost goes without saying that ministry leadership is hard. The expectations on Christian leaders, whether an elder in a church, a pastor, a hospital chaplain, or a Roman Catholic Priest, are enormous. The presuppositions people have about Christian leaders as to what their spiritual state and what their jobs should and should not be often bring leaders to question exactly why they are doing what they are doing. I understand this innately, as in 2025, I had the inclination to step down from leadership after a crisis in our church.
Reed, Osmer, and Smuker cover this topic, citing Hodge and Wegner. Church leaders consider leaving their vacation because of the high demands on them and the feelings of loneliness and isolation (153). As the authors state, this concerns relationships and expectations (153). Because of their positions, any kind of failure is magnified far beyond similar failings among lay people (154). I know this was true for me, in that I felt the disappointment held by some members of the congregation when an unpopular (but correct) decision was made. The stress in making the decision and the isolation as a leader were almost unbearable. This is why the authors stress the essential need for ministry leaders to develop “ongoing, supportive relationships both in everyday life and in crisis” (155).
This can seem risky. Do I, as a church leader, risk sharing my inner thoughts and feelings with another person about ministry? Could this other person understand the weight of the responsibility I, as a leader, feel for the people I serve in ministry? These questions reveal the distortion of the original ministry vision caused by stress and isolation (157). It reveals the importance of taking on a spiritual companion. When I bared my soul to another brother, I found healing and regained a passion for ministry.
Leaders have to address their need for spiritual companionship. Without it, they will find it extremely difficult to provide spiritual care to others (158). I was unable to faithfully care for the people in my congregation until I started meeting regularly with my friend, Frank, and talking openly about my feelings and emotions. What I found was that Frank was also encouraged because he was able to listen to me, pray with me, and strengthen his relationship with God (158).
Those who are spiritual companions to leaders offer a sort of ministry of presence. This is a presence that does not demand of the leader, but allows that person to share and emote, even when what they have is messy and ugly. If they do not have this intimate opportunity of sharing, then that messiness and ugliness remain. The companion reassuringly reminds the leader of God’s hope and forgiveness (162). When Frank did this for me, I was able to release the pain and embrace the healing.
The authors suggest that spiritual companions to ministry leaders covenant for companionship. They describe a covenant as a mutual agreement to the purpose and process of the companioning relationship (64). This covenant identifies healthy and unhealthy patterns and introduces new practices to help heal 168). It is an agreement of relationship – two companions walking together in intimate fellowship with the Holy Spirit. This is especially important for the companioning of a leader because there will necessarily be issues of confidentiality and trust. By creating this covenant, the spiritual companion can safely speak honestly with the ministry leader and encourage them to abandon unhealthy practices and embrace healthy ones, whether current or new. Frank helped me to abandon some warped thinking I had around the situation and embrace forgiveness as a choice.
In conclusion, even when leaders are not in a state of crisis, I can see spiritual companionship as an essential part of the leader’s ability to lead well. By having a companion as a necessary part of their ministry, they can be prepared for a crisis. But even more important, they have a friend and a trusted ally who is a source of prayer and support during routine and difficult periods of ministry.
All citations from: Reed, Angela H., Osmer, Richard R., and Smuker, Marcus G. Spiritual Companioning: A Guide to Protestant Theology and Practice. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2015. Kindle Version
