There was a time in my life when I was at my lowest. Having been diagnosed with cancer and also given the news that my wife was pregnant with my son, I had a slew of emotions, most of them negative. I blamed God for giving me this disease at a time when my wife would need me the most, as well as the possibility that I would not be able to be around for my son. It was truly a time of desolation, but what I lacked the most was true discernment of my prediction. Instead of drawing near to God, I ran away, blaming him for everything wrong in my life. This essay will reflect on this hard time in my life and use Green’s book to shine a light on why this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I will also integrate how this will help me in my role as a spiritual director.
Green defines discernment as “the art of finding God’s will in the concrete life situations that confront us” (57). He further takes the parable of the weeds and the wheat of Matthew 13:24-30 and takes it beyond the saved and unsaved and applies the parable to the soul. Consolations (wheat) are those things that draw us near to God (97). Desolations (weeds) are those things that are the opposite of consolations and are represented by the darkness of the soul (99). These Ignatian concepts are important because Green highlights in the parable that both the weeds and the wheat must coexist until the harvest, which is the return of Jesus (144-145).
While we would want to focus on the wheat and remain in times of consolation, it is important to remember that the times of weedy desolation are instructive (146). When I look at my time of desolation mentioned above, I don’t see God abandoning me but staying close to me despite my running away from him. This is instructive for me when I hit hard times now. The weeds give a perspective that allows me to appreciate the wheat and know that the wheat, consolations drawing me close to God, are there waiting for me. Discernment is the balancing of these two spiritual forces, understanding that there are “times and seasons” for both (148).
As a spiritual director, I will see my directees go through times of consolation and desolation. By bringing in discernment, which is the God-centered understanding of these “concrete life situations,” my directees can see how God is working in their lives, even though they may feel very far away. That was how it was in my dark time of desolation. Because of that time, I now have the discernment to see how I feel and what is real might be two entirely different things. It doesn’t mean that my feeling of desolation and darkness is unreal, but that it may be hiding the consolation reality.
There is true value in the weeds. But Green advises that, during the afterglow of consolation (wheat) or desolation (weeds), it is important not to evaluate the situation until the mind and spirit can clearly understand whether God or the enemy was present (149). For me, it took several years before I could see where the enemy was leading me away from God, and also see where God was forming me and molding me for who I am spiritually now. Discernment requires clear thinking so that the value of the weed’s experiences can be learned and spiritually internalized. When discerning in the afterglow, we can miss the lessons God is trying to teach us (149).
The goal as a spiritual director is to help my directees grow in their discernment. By “standing on their own” in discernment, they can see where God is at work and where the enemy is (151). The revelation for this kind of discernment is that the directee can see God and the enemy for who they really are: producers of wheat (God) and weeds (the enemy) (151). The weeds that we are ensnared with are the world, the flesh, and the enemy himself (153). The world is the weed-producing culture opposed to the things of God and ingrained in our ways of thinking (153-154). The flesh is those weed-producing factors such as self-condemnation and doubt (156). These are all orchestrated by an enemy who wants to drag us into the weeds of desolation and away from the light and love of our savior. Learning discernment helps us, during desolation, to see what God is teaching us and how he is faithfully refining us.
My directees may ask me the same question that I was asking myself during my dark, weedy time: Why is God allowing this to happen? It is the same question Job asked God during his time of struggle. Green gives us an answer that at first seems unsatisfying, but is nonetheless powerful in its truth: humility (156). The weeds may hinder the harvest only if we let them grow. Humility is a powerful weapon that can be used to combat what the enemy desires for us. But humility is hard, and sometimes painful. However, humility is the core of discernment. My directees and I need to be humble and say, “I don’t know right now, but let’s wait on God because he has what is best for us.” Humble discernment of the weeds and the wheat will make sense of what may seem senseless.
All page citations from: Green, Thomas H., S.J. Weeds Among The Wheat Discernment: Where Prayer and Action Meet. Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1984.
