Sometimes, people just don’t want to “go there.” Spiritual direction can be a fruitful time to hear the Holy Spirit and to listen to what God is saying to the director and the directee. But sometimes, what God is trying to do is hard and messy. The directee and I, as the director, might encounter resistance in the session. Resistance is an essential part of the journey of spiritual development. Just like the account of Thomas Merton reading Portrait of the Artist, the spiritual direction session may bring up negative emotions that tempt both me and the directee to resist “going there.” (85).
The goal of spiritual direction is spiritual growth. My growth as a follower of Jesus hasn’t always been joyful and carefree. Nor has it been a straight path free from pitfalls and spiritual stalls. For me, and for my directees, spiritual growth can be painful at times because it necessarily addresses areas of immaturity and sometimes trauma. As Barry and Connolly state, there is something within humans that resists change and development and craves stability (86). I identify with that. But there is also something within all humans that desires to see what’s around the corner, inspect that undiscovered area, and explore another person to develop intimacy (87).
The fact is that the spiritual direction experience is not smooth and carefree, but loaded with twists, turns, and sometimes dead ends, which is just a reflection of life itself. We all have blind spots in our lives – spiritually, emotionally, psychologically – that keep us from seeing the full picture (86). People can also repeat the same failed, unhealthy patterns, giving the same response to those patterns and wondering why nothing changes (87). My goal as director, then, is to develop a trusting relationship with my directee. This is the key to breaking through resistance (88).
If I am to help my directees overcome resistance, I should have a solid understanding of their past experiences. Interpretation and organization of current experiences are based upon past experiences (88). Perceptions of those experiences strongly influence perceptions of current experiences. People develop expectations and self-fulfilling prophecies. These expectations eventually develop into unconscious, but very real, personality patterns. These patterns can lead to resistance.
The director, therefore, will help the directee not only surface their desire to grow spiritually but also their negative expectations (92). Their personality structures that resist change need to be addressed. With the Holy Spirit’s help, I can lead the directee to foster relationships. God opposes the “conservative” and “change-fearing” personality structure (94). In fact, he wants to bust it apart because that is where the growth will happen. Barry and Connelly offer several reasons for resistance, but the reasons stated here seem to be the overarching issues for most people. No matter what the etymology of resistance is, the key is relationships. My relationship with my directee, built on trust (between the two of us and the Holy Spirit), forges an alliance that enables them to confront and overcome their resistance (98).
When encountering resistance, I should respect my directees’ and God’s freedom to halt progress if that is what they want (103). It is not a personal inadequacy on my part; it is just part of the development process. It may be that my directee needs to see this resistance as a part of a greater pattern in their lives – spiritual and otherwise (104). Whatever the case, reflection on resistance should take place before delving into the reasons and moving into resolution (105). Moving forward means having a reflective understanding of where the directee is in that moment. Then, as a director, I can help them move past their resistance into further spiritual growth.
All page citations from: Barry, William A., and Connolly, William J. The Practice of Spiritual Direction. New York, NY: Harper Collins, 2012. Kindle Version.
